Paraquat Welcomes Pervert Astropath

The Paraquat Daily Informant

Written By Print Servitor 675/ABU7

The good people of Paraquat have been given the dubious honour of having a member of Astra Telepathica deployed within our settlements walls. The name of the Astropath is one  Shilum Drool previously of Hive Primus, Necromunda. However, Drool is not the best example of an upstanding servant of The Emperor as he was recently involved in a scandal where he first went missing Slag Valley Bullett #8 and the subsequently found some time later in a notorious den of iniquity Slag Valley Bullett #10. What is unclear is the circumstances behind his incarceration in The Last Gasp a famed knocking shop on Hive Primus.

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Shilum Drool welcomed by mayor Drompf, accompanied by a couple of flunkies and members of the Adeptus Arbites

Continue reading “Paraquat Welcomes Pervert Astropath”

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Just Arrived In The Bus Terminal

As is standard Paraquat transportation regulations, any or all visitors must present themselves to local officials for an integration hearing before being let out into the town itself. Here are today’s intake from the Blinding Desert coach services. Also part of the regulations are any person or persons wishing to inhabit Paraquat must have the means to defend themselves and for identification purposes have a functionality test of each weapon to determine expected life span of said individual.

First in is Little Marve a green skinned human mutant from the settlement of Rad Heap. Marve is moving to Paraquat to gain employment cleaning windows and fruit picking in some of the many Mindblewm Orchards on the outskirts of town. He has brought an antique Pickler & Smock stub gun, a quiver of throwing darts and a small dagger.

IMG_7757     Little Marve

Next off the bus is Burke, an experienced ‘pest control’ expert from Blackret Ridge a large settlement with an abundance of vermin. He is seeking work as a bug hunter for one of the large trading houses of Paraquat. Burke has bought with him a large calibre rat gun from the Glossop foundry in Blackret Ridge. For added protection Burke also has a knife and a stub gun.

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Burke

Two brothers Plaxx and Floss, from Steroidia are here ‘on holiday’ to visit some of Paraquat’s famed breweries and perhaps gain an audience with one of the brain gurus in the locale. The brothers Grinn as the are known are carrying an Eversore autogun (Plaxx) and a 12mm autopistol (Floss). Floss also bears a Amputator chainsword with cut harder stripes.

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Plaxx & Floss

Another visitor to the town is Skikk Bloodblisters originally from Necromunda, Skikk is now a mutant rights advocate and ambassador for the oppressed. Armed with little more than his banner made of reinforced beaten ceramite™ and some wicked claws on his feet, Skikk is probably not a worthwhile target to some of the town muggers and associated cutthroat guild.

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Skikk Bloodblisters

Also from Rad Heap come Furry Zep and Snuffler, two human mutants seeking work in one the huge platignum mines of local  business man Biznez Mann. Both come protecting themselves with Happy Stopper® shotguns and a variety of natural weapons such as Snuffler’s ability to snort out diamond hard snot rockets.

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Furry Zep & Snuffler

Finally two freelance cultural and/or holy icon bearers have arrived in town to make a living with one of the many religious fundamentalist temples in town. Lewcas (left) is armed with a Happy Stopper® shotgun whilst Glaxco (right) has an Eazee Clip reloader autogun (patent pending). Lewcas has also had his right arm replaced with that of an alien to improve stability and gripping ability.

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Lewcas & Glaxco

So the population of Paraquat has gone up by nine, this vibrant community is thriving!

Your Friend the Commissar

The Regimental Standard

Good news Guardsmen,

You will soon have a new battlefield best buddy.

We refer, of course, to the recently transferred Officio Prefectus representative assigned to your agri-world and platoon.

FriendlyCommissarPosterNow, for some of you, this might be your first time fighting alongside such a veteran of the Schola Progenium, and you may have heard some less than positive rumours about these oft-misunderstood heroes. There are certainly some common misconceptions about Commissars, and today we address them, to show you there is nothing to fear.* 

1) Don’t Commissars shoot our own men?

Nonsense, Commissars have only ever shot heretics and traitors**. No loyal Guardsman has ever been executed by one of the Adeptus Militarum’s officers. Quite the opposite, in fact, and you should feel safe knowing that any potential threats of heresy, treachery or lack of decorum in your squad will soon be non-existent once a Commissar is present.

2) Aren’t…

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Your New Medical Kit

The Regimental Standard

Greetings Guardsmen,

We have some great news for you.

You will soon be receiving a new medical tool kit to serve as part of your standard army equipment.

We are aware that some of you have been suffering injuries, in part due to a shortage of flak and carapace armour from the last Munitorum shipment. Those problems are now over, as you’ll have all the tools you need to heal your wounded troopers.*

Here is a quick guide to your new super-practical medical kit.

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  1. Your Blessed Canteen. Use this to store Ecclesiarchy pre-blessed water** for wound cleaning and disinfecting. This is an important item in your pack, especially for those of you assigned to desert or ash-waste war zones, death world planets where water can host virulent diseases, or those battlefields where the landscape is tainted or irradiated.***
  2. Your Munitorum Spork****. Guardsmen will be pleased to learn that…

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The Breakout!

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Orrible Arris meets the breakout crew.

Orrible Arris, Strangler Arris’ younger brother had paid for some off world ‘talent’ to spring his older sibling from the Black Hole of Paraquat. When the team arrived he was furious, some scrawny kids and a couple of small green skinned aliens were not what he had envisioned when he had given Slippry  Cant – the fence, a substantial amount of Throne Geld to get them here. Meeting them for the first time behind Mungol’s Ratfish Cannery was a tense affair. A pronounced disdain for Paraquat and everything in it was evident. Orrible very nearly opened up with his guns in fury but something about the cold dead eyes of the ‘kids’ told him to do so would not be prudent.

After giving the gang the details of Strangler Arris incarceration, Orrible asked Little Scar, the gang’s leader what was the plan.

“We create a distraction. Demo charge the wall, we get your man out. Any heroes get fragged. We get off the planet. You live happily ever after. I’d advise you to have a good alibi tomorrow, there may be questions asked”.

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Sure enough, one of Little Scar’s associates, a Grot named Blowit dropped several incendiaries around the building. Myobia Blint, the lone guard on the tower was overcome by fumes and collapsed.

jail-001 Round the front, another Grot named Blaggard started up the ‘dogjammer’. A bulky piece of tech that renders Cyber Dogs ineffective temporarily. Sadly the signal to stun the dogs is highly erratic so an expendable operative for this mission is vital. As Little Scar often says “No point having a dogjammer and jamming meself!”.

Now the crucial part of the plan!  The demo charges are placed and a hole in the wall is made. Sirens start to sound as the wall is breached. The rest of the gang arrive with a getaway vehicle. In the smoke and choking fumes Arris is bundled into the trukk and is driven off at speed. Just in time as the Paraquat Rapid Response Unit finish their drinks and leave The Drunken Sot, a local alcaholic beverage trader a few streets away.jail-003Renowned for their ‘shoot first and question any survivors policy’, many in Paraquat loathe and fear them. Luckily for those attempting the jailbreak, no one can find the keys to the Miscreant Wagon so the getaway is a success.

Next Stop, Orrible Arris Safe Ole…..

Wikkommen To Krablokistan!

Paraquat, large town on the imperial planet of Krablokistan has always been somewhat lawless, but recently the crime rate has risen alarmingly!

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Viscos Labormarti – Savior of Paraquat?

The town elders, not wanting to endanger themselves, have decided to reinstate the position of Marshall of Paraquat. Similar to Sherriff or Judge, the Marshall has the power to sentence miscreants the Black Hole of Paraquat – supposedly the hardest jail to escape from on the planet. The newly appointed Marshall is one Viscos Labormarti, ex-Guardsman and former prize fighter.

 

One of Viscos’ first high profile collars was Strangler Arris, an unpleasant thug with a reputation of violence and a short fuse, also a known substance abuser. The Marshall apprehended Arris shortly after he entered a well documented Spinejuice den. Once incarcerated, it was simply a matter of a kangaroo court and a swift sentencing. Simples. The Black Hole is also known as the Iceberg, as 90% of the facility is below ground. The Black Hole proper is 18,000M below the surface of Krablokistan, and fully automated. The armoured lift is only scheduled to go up

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Spinejuice Den where Arris was nabbed

 

or down once a month. Whilst waiting, Arris is kept in the holding cells above ground
which are generally the province of drunks and petty criminals. The lift is due to return in 10 days, so time is an important factor.

 

 

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Chank sets his Cyber hounds to ‘halt’.

Meanwhile, associates of Arris moved swiftly, a hefty bribe to Chank. He is the Cyber hound technician allocated to the upper section of The Black Hole. As is often the case with low paid individuals, a bribe accompanying a threat can work wonders for integrity realignment . Three months technician salary and the retention of all currently viable limbs is a persuasive argument.  Chank then disables the normal patrol protocols which gives a brief window of opportunity for a message to be given to Arris regarding his escape.

 

Two members of the Guild of Thugs approach the rear of the Black Hole giving Arris his instructions regarding his breakout. Durk Radon and Slashette talk to the impassive Strangler Arris. His nickname come from his huge gnarled hands that have ended the lives of many an unfortunate Paraquat resident.
“Some offworlders are coming to break you out within the next few days” Radon explains. “They’re not cheap, but they come with good credentials”.
Arris’ only reply was “They’d better be good! If I have to dig myself back up I’ll take your other arm!”.
With that the pair leave the vicinity to make some final preparations for the escape of their fearsome leader.

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Two members of the Guild of Thugs gang ‘visit’ Strangler Arris discussing a possible jailbreak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The story continues…..