Following the arrival of Shilum Drool, disgraced Astropath, Mayor Gonad Drompf has announced that the construction of a shuttle landing pad has been completed, and will be annexed to his private residence. As is common in most announcements of any kind, critics have claimed this is a waste of Tithepayers Throne Geld. When questioned about this our flamboyant Mayor announced that extra employment and economic opportunities would make the landing ‘almost certainly pay for itself’.
On the top of the landing pad Overseer Sansocranct with his measuring stick and rivet shotgun explains to the mayor where the money is going to. Lurking just behind the Drompf is his Killbot Pengoo, all purpose defensive apparatus that has been necessary since several attempts on the mayors life following several ‘misunderstandings’ between the guilds, the moneylenders and general populace.
Mayor Drompf and his bodyguards talks to construction overseer Blug Sansocranct. Two servitors wander around aimlessly, trying to look busy.
The large number of scaffolds denote that Mayor Drompf has not finished with the tithepayers Throne Geld. In fact considering the Bastion in the background was moved approximately 75 metres for aesthetic reasons denotes that the mayor wants to spare no expense in the quest to impress visiting diplomatic delegations and important Nobles from far and wide.
The construction overseer in charge of the project, Blug Sansocranct has gone on record as saying the plans for the landing pad were not ‘the most expensive’. He went on ‘Drompf’s building is the Emantic 3000, a good solid landing pad but not in the same league as the much larger Skyshield from Seetadel. He saved the Tithepayers a fortune!’. Some believe that the landing pad is an attempt to challenge the commercial power of Duck City, Paraquat’s chief trading rival. The mayor of Duck City, Pendlebury Nonce is a well known critic of our own Gonad Drompf.
How Nonce will respond to this challenge to his superiority remains to be seen………
Following Hive Primus ‘donating’ Astropath Shilum Drool to the settlement of Paraquat, it has received another ‘gift’. This time it comes in the form of ‘The Emperor’s Thumb’, a so-called work of art that represents the protection and benevolence of The Emperor. The item caused a storm of controversy as adherents to the Cult of Redemption protested it’s installation Slag Valley Bullett #11. Following the protests more sinister attempts to desecrate the sculpture were attempted Slag Valley Bullett #14. The sculpture’s creator; Paint Monkey, a former manufactorum hydro-stamp operator has been inundated with job offers since the relocation and is now believed to be attracting the attention of some of the noble houses in Necromunda and further afield.
Paintmonkey places some finishing hammer blows on to ‘The Thumb Of The Emperor’. Art junkie Mureble Swaffle looks on enraptured.
Paintmonkey, is a colourful individual who rejects common workers garb for bodypaint and filed teeth. He is rumoured to be working on a 40 metre sculpture of Lord Helmawr’s 9th wife Lady Contegra IV formerly of House Catallus.
The installation was the target of several vandalism attempts while it was situated in Necromunda but sources close to Mayor Drompf have stated that ‘that sort of thing is much less likely in an enlightened place like Paraquat’.
Members of Paraquat’s crack Cultural Vandalism Eradication Protectorate are going to be deployed at the installation.
Sadly, as is often the case with illogical Ecclesiarchy types, there are murmurs of disapproval coming from local Ministorum preachers. Talk of a ‘stringing up’ of viewers of the exhibit was mooted and also the eternal damnation of souls that could only be undamned by weighty donations to the Ecclesiarchy.
The good people of Paraquat have been given the dubious honour of having a member of Astra Telepathica deployed within our settlements walls. The name of the Astropath is one Shilum Drool previously of Hive Primus, Necromunda. However, Drool is not the best example of an upstanding servant of The Emperor as he was recently involved in a scandal where he first went missing Slag Valley Bullett #8 and the subsequently found some time later in a notorious den of iniquity Slag Valley Bullett #10. What is unclear is the circumstances behind his incarceration in The Last Gasp a famed knocking shop on Hive Primus.
As is standard Paraquat transportation regulations, any or all visitors must present themselves to local officials for an integration hearing before being let out into the town itself. Here are today’s intake from the Blinding Desert coach services. Also part of the regulations are any person or persons wishing to inhabit Paraquat must have the means to defend themselves and for identification purposes have a functionality test of each weapon to determine expected life span of said individual.
First in is Little Marve a green skinned human mutant from the settlement of Rad Heap. Marve is moving to Paraquat to gain employment cleaning windows and fruit picking in some of the many Mindblewm Orchards on the outskirts of town. He has brought an antique Pickler & Smock stub gun, a quiver of throwing darts and a small dagger.
Next off the bus is Burke, an experienced ‘pest control’ expert from Blackret Ridge a large settlement with an abundance of vermin. He is seeking work as a bug hunter for one of the large trading houses of Paraquat. Burke has bought with him a large calibre rat gun from the Glossop foundry in Blackret Ridge. For added protection Burke also has a knife and a stub gun.
Two brothers Plaxx and Floss, from Steroidia are here ‘on holiday’ to visit some of Paraquat’s famed breweries and perhaps gain an audience with one of the brain gurus in the locale. The brothers Grinn as the are known are carrying an Eversore autogun (Plaxx) and a 12mm autopistol (Floss). Floss also bears a Amputator chainsword with cut harder stripes.
Plaxx & Floss
Another visitor to the town is Skikk Bloodblisters originally from Necromunda, Skikk is now a mutant rights advocate and ambassador for the oppressed. Armed with little more than his banner made of reinforced beaten ceramite™ and some wicked claws on his feet, Skikk is probably not a worthwhile target to some of the town muggers and associated cutthroat guild.
Also from Rad Heap come Furry Zep and Snuffler, two human mutants seeking work in one the huge platignum mines of local business man Biznez Mann. Both come protecting themselves with Happy Stopper® shotguns and a variety of natural weapons such as Snuffler’s ability to snort out diamond hard snot rockets.
Furry Zep & Snuffler
Finally two freelance cultural and/or holy icon bearers have arrived in town to make a living with one of the many religious fundamentalist temples in town. Lewcas (left) is armed with a Happy Stopper® shotgun whilst Glaxco (right) has an Eazee Clip reloader autogun (patent pending). Lewcas has also had his right arm replaced with that of an alien to improve stability and gripping ability.
Lewcas & Glaxco
So the population of Paraquat has gone up by nine, this vibrant community is thriving!
We refer, of course, to the recently transferred Officio Prefectus representative assigned to your agri-world and platoon.
Now, for some of you, this might be your first time fighting alongside such a veteran of the Schola Progenium, and you may have heard some less than positive rumours about these oft-misunderstood heroes. There are certainly some common misconceptions about Commissars, and today we address them, to show you there is nothing to fear.*
1) Don’t Commissars shoot our own men?
Nonsense, Commissars have only ever shot heretics and traitors**. No loyal Guardsman has ever been executed by one of the Adeptus Militarum’s officers. Quite the opposite, in fact, and you should feel safe knowing that any potential threats of heresy, treachery or lack of decorum in your squad will soon be non-existent once a Commissar is present.
You will soon be receiving a new medical tool kit to serve as part of your standard army equipment.
We are aware that some of you have been suffering injuries, in part due to a shortage of flak and carapace armour from the last Munitorum shipment. Those problems are now over, as you’ll have all the tools you need to heal your wounded troopers.*
Here is a quick guide to your new super-practical medical kit.
Your Blessed Canteen. Use this to store Ecclesiarchy pre-blessed water** for wound cleaning and disinfecting. This is an important item in your pack, especially for those of you assigned to desert or ash-waste war zones, death world planets where water can host virulent diseases, or those battlefields where the landscape is tainted or irradiated.***
Your Munitorum Spork****. Guardsmen will be pleased to learn that…
Orrible Arris, Strangler Arris’ younger brother had paid for some off world ‘talent’ to spring his older sibling from the Black Hole of Paraquat. When the team arrived he was furious, some scrawny kids and a couple of small green skinned aliens were not what he had envisioned when he had given Slippry Cant – the fence, a substantial amount of Throne Geld to get them here. Meeting them for the first time behind Mungol’s Ratfish Cannery was a tense affair. A pronounced disdain for Paraquat and everything in it was evident. Orrible very nearly opened up with his guns in fury but something about the cold dead eyes of the ‘kids’ told him to do so would not be prudent.
After giving the gang the details of Strangler Arris incarceration, Orrible asked Little Scar, the gang’s leader what was the plan.
“We create a distraction. Demo charge the wall, we get your man out. Any heroes get fragged. We get off the planet. You live happily ever after. I’d advise you to have a good alibi tomorrow, there may be questions asked”.
Sure enough, one of Little Scar’s associates, a Grot named Blowit dropped several incendiaries around the building. Myobia Blint, the lone guard on the tower was overcome by fumes and collapsed.
Round the front, another Grot named Blaggard started up the ‘dogjammer’. A bulky piece of tech that renders Cyber Dogs ineffective temporarily. Sadly the signal to stun the dogs is highly erratic so an expendable operative for this mission is vital. As Little Scar often says “No point having a dogjammer and jamming meself!”.
Now the crucial part of the plan! The demo charges are placed and a hole in the wall is made. Sirens start to sound as the wall is breached. The rest of the gang arrive with a getaway vehicle. In the smoke and choking fumes Arris is bundled into the trukk and is driven off at speed. Just in time as the Paraquat Rapid Response Unit finish their drinks and leave The Drunken Sot, a local alcaholic beverage trader a few streets away.Renowned for their ‘shoot first and question any survivors policy’, many in Paraquat loathe and fear them. Luckily for those attempting the jailbreak, no one can find the keys to the Miscreant Wagon so the getaway is a success.