Following the arrival of Shilum Drool, disgraced Astropath, Mayor Gonad Drompf has announced that the construction of a shuttle landing pad has been completed, and will be annexed to his private residence. As is common in most announcements of any kind, critics have claimed this is a waste of Tithepayers Throne Geld. When questioned about this our flamboyant Mayor announced that extra employment and economic opportunities would make the landing ‘almost certainly pay for itself’.
On the top of the landing pad Overseer Sansocranct with his measuring stick and rivet shotgun explains to the mayor where the money is going to. Lurking just behind the Drompf is his Killbot Pengoo, all purpose defensive apparatus that has been necessary since several attempts on the mayors life following several ‘misunderstandings’ between the guilds, the moneylenders and general populace.Continue reading “Paraquat Gets A Landing Pad”
Following Hive Primus ‘donating’ Astropath Shilum Drool to the settlement of Paraquat, it has received another ‘gift’. This time it comes in the form of ‘The Emperor’s Thumb’, a so-called work of art that represents the protection and benevolence of The Emperor. The item caused a storm of controversy as adherents to the Cult of Redemption protested it’s installation Slag Valley Bullett #11. Following the protests more sinister attempts to desecrate the sculpture were attempted Slag Valley Bullett #14. The sculpture’s creator; Paint Monkey, a former manufactorum hydro-stamp operator has been inundated with job offers since the relocation and is now believed to be attracting the attention of some of the noble houses in Necromunda and further afield.
Paintmonkey places some finishing hammer blows on to ‘The Thumb Of The Emperor’. Art junkie Mureble Swaffle looks on enraptured.
The good people of Paraquat have been given the dubious honour of having a member of Astra Telepathica deployed within our settlements walls. The name of the Astropath is one Shilum Drool previously of Hive Primus, Necromunda. However, Drool is not the best example of an upstanding servant of The Emperor as he was recently involved in a scandal where he first went missing Slag Valley Bullett #8 and the subsequently found some time later in a notorious den of iniquity Slag Valley Bullett #10. What is unclear is the circumstances behind his incarceration in The Last Gasp a famed knocking shop on Hive Primus.
As is standard Paraquat transportation regulations, any or all visitors must present themselves to local officials for an integration hearing before being let out into the town itself. Here are today’s intake from the Blinding Desert coach services. Also part of the regulations are any person or persons wishing to inhabit Paraquat must have the means to defend themselves and for identification purposes have a functionality test of each weapon to determine expected life span of said individual.
First in is Little Marve a green skinned human mutant from the settlement of Rad Heap. Marve is moving to Paraquat to gain employment cleaning windows and fruit picking in some of the many Mindblewm Orchards on the outskirts of town. He has brought an antique Pickler & Smock stub gun, a quiver of throwing darts and a small dagger.
We refer, of course, to the recently transferred Officio Prefectus representative assigned to your agri-world and platoon.
Now, for some of you, this might be your first time fighting alongside such a veteran of the Schola Progenium, and you may have heard some less than positive rumours about these oft-misunderstood heroes. There are certainly some common misconceptions about Commissars, and today we address them, to show you there is nothing to fear.*
1) Don’t Commissars shoot our own men?
Nonsense, Commissars have only ever shot heretics and traitors**. No loyal Guardsman has ever been executed by one of the Adeptus Militarum’s officers. Quite the opposite, in fact, and you should feel safe knowing that any potential threats of heresy, treachery or lack of decorum in your squad will soon be non-existent once a Commissar is present.
You will soon be receiving a new medical tool kit to serve as part of your standard army equipment.
We are aware that some of you have been suffering injuries, in part due to a shortage of flak and carapace armour from the last Munitorum shipment. Those problems are now over, as you’ll have all the tools you need to heal your wounded troopers.*
Here is a quick guide to your new super-practical medical kit.
Your Blessed Canteen. Use this to store Ecclesiarchy pre-blessed water** for wound cleaning and disinfecting. This is an important item in your pack, especially for those of you assigned to desert or ash-waste war zones, death world planets where water can host virulent diseases, or those battlefields where the landscape is tainted or irradiated.***
Your Munitorum Spork****. Guardsmen will be pleased to learn that…
Orrible Arris, Strangler Arris’ younger brother had paid for some off world ‘talent’ to spring his older sibling from the Black Hole of Paraquat. When the team arrived he was furious, some scrawny kids and a couple of small green skinned aliens were not what he had envisioned when he had given Slippry Cant – the fence, a substantial amount of Throne Geld to get them here. Meeting them for the first time behind Mungol’s Ratfish Cannery was a tense affair. A pronounced disdain for Paraquat and everything in it was evident. Orrible very nearly opened up with his guns in fury but something about the cold dead eyes of the ‘kids’ told him to do so would not be prudent. Continue reading “The Breakout!”